Conservation

Jacob: Have you ever slow-danced with a giant panda?

Alphabetic

Jacob: Let's come up with new letters of the alphabet. There's not enough letters. So, I'll make a sound, and you can use your artistic talents to draw a new letter.
Me: Um, ok?
Jacob: Hmm...let's see...(thinks hard for a second)...ffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Me: Jacob, I think that's the sound for the letter "F."
Jacob: Damn, this is hard.

Introductions

Intern: Hi, my name's Mark.
Jacob: Thor?
Intern: No, Mark.

Adventure

Jacob: I would liken riding your bike drunk to taming a wild stallion. You might be able to get on it, but there's no telling whether or not you'll get bucked off.

Sweet, Sweet Alcohol

 One time, instead of sending Jacob straight to bed after a little over-indulgence, I got out the laptop and recorded his every word.

“You’re rude and you’re mentally against progress.”

“Maybe I dibabadibend”

“I hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow…woooooowowowowoowowwooo"

“Neebee little lamb…wipe you with a thing. Free have the food you bring.”

“Linus, I don’t care for this. No, I see you being snotty. NO.

“Give me one one-hundreth of a second..”

Regulators

Me: Jake, you can't have a cripple arm when you dance.
Jacob: It's gansta.

Names

Jacob frequently comes up with baby names for children we may someday have. Frankly, I think he should advise expectant celebrities.

• Luke Skywalker Hunerdosse
• Dude Lebowski Hunerdosse
• Admiral Ackbar Hunerdosse
• Tonka McNutt Hunerdosse
• Dog Thebounty Hunerdosse